Thursday, February 11, 2010

Designing Design

Whew! Survived a nearly all-day long meeting on revising our curriculum for the Design course. Thought things went very well. We're a good team, and the idea to start the course with an in-depth study of the Vicksburg campaign and then use that as a reference point for later lessons is great. I wish the larger Design community would pick up on what we're doing here at SAMS (School for Advanced Military Studies). In due time.

Our soon-to-be-out student text on Design will be as good as anything out there, and the only thing on Design in a military context.

But I'm exhausted. Going through every class day, day by day, and reviewing readings, exercises, etc., was grueling work. But like I said, we worked well together. I'm always so impressed with AR's soft but commanding tone. He'll sit back quietly for a long time as the debate goes on around him and then suddenly say, "I think what we're all trying to say is," or "If could summarize what it is I think we're all getting at...." And then he proceeds to insert his thoughts in such a way that they rarely get rejected. He's the ultimate confident expert, and everyone in the room knows it. He has nothing to prove. Just a recognition that the rest of us may need some facilitation.

I'm learning so much about Design. And have so much more to learn. But I already feel that being a part of this group has put me on the forefront of a much larger wave in the social-sciences. We shall see.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Two years on

The last time I wrote was just before my interview for the Assistant Professorship in KS. Turns out I did well at that interview, but federal laws made it nearly another year until I started - June 2009. Now I'm coming up on the anniversary of that date. It's been a good year. Busy, stressful because my teaching and depression have made for general mental exhaustion. But I'm digging out and feeling generally up about graduation prospects.

It's funny I should finally return here at this particular point in space-time. In space, I'm in K.C. as expected, and in time I'm with Charlie in a wonderful relationship. Also, sitting on cool retro chairs (see her blog for pics) and eating leftover bbq potato with coffee for breakfast. How tre' Midwest of me.

But I also just found out that S. was engaged. I said I was a bit shocked when I heard, but I wasn't. I'm happy for her. The only thing I'd like is be able to talk to her as a friend again. P. says he sure that day will come, but maybe in a decade!

Well, this is warm-up for far less exciting work. But the juices are going. Hopefully, I'll be back soon. Oh, sent something to the WashPost for publication. If they don't take it, I'll put it here. It's a response to another OpEd titled "Why are Liberals so Condescending." I, of course, explain why we should be - at least given generally current conservative methods of "debate."

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Week Before the Interview

It was a long week. Wednesday I was teaching until 2200. Worked until past 0100 Thursday on a report on the "Future Security Environment" and another on "Why What We're Trying to Do Isn't Unconstitutional". These were things for the Project. Blew up at my Chief of Staff once, but we had a good laugh the next day. Spent Friday working from home, delegating my work, I should say, from home.

Spent the rest of Friday organizing around home and finally attacking the mess of mail I've been avoiding. I have to go drop off dry cleaning now so I have something to wear for next week. Need a haircut, too. Hope Ricco's (my barber) free.

I miss C. dearly and can't wait to see her. I'm deeply lonely most of the time, and I'm not the type to like being alone. I keep getting beautiful postcards from her with Rumi quotes carefully inscribed on them. I feel awful that I haven't done more in return.

I'd like to get my best luggage back from S. for the upcoming Kansas and London trips, but that may prove too much for her. What is there to be said? I feel better most days, but the disappointment in myself, in her, in us, still sits inside. It simmers now instead of boils, but it's there. But the truth is, if she can't even let me borrow the damn luggage without it being emotionally taxing, there was no way we would make it.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Wishful Drinking

I left work, or rather, escaped today before Dr. C. could catch me with another assignment. (Although he did then call me at home.) Honestly, his "ethic" - if that's what it is and not a neurosis - is astounding. The man never stops.

Anyway, it was dryer than usual, hotter than usual on my walk to the car inside the blast-wall-surrounded parking lot. I talked with Charlie on the phone finally after several mis-dials and broken connections. Sounded like she had a good day. I finally bought a ticket to London.

When I pulled in to park, A. caught me. It's theatre night for A. and W. and tonight they had tickets to Carrie Fischer's "Wishful Drinking." It was really "In the Kitchen with Carrie - A Conversation" more than an acted production. She told the very funny, ridiculous, and yet sympathetically pathetic story of celebrity in America.

And then she talked about her addictions, and finally about her manic-depression. She explained it well. Things happen externally, jobs go well, jobs go bad, loves go well, loves go bad, but a manic-depressive's emotions operate "like weather" independent of the events in their lives for the most part. Events can trigger explosions, but essentially the swings in mood are creatures of their own will. S. eventually understood that, but decided she couldn't take the inevitability of the cycling storms and ebullient dawns of living with a manic-depressive.

Charlie knows me differently. Knows the ropes of my illness intimately, and is much braver about it. She has her reasons for being so. I just hope I can honor her faith in me given that the symptoms of the disease are promiscuity, bad judgment (usually with money), and an addiction of some sort. She and I could do very well together, though. I think we see the others' cycle and try to dampen it if for no other reason than because we're afraid it will drag us down into its grip, too. Of course it's greatly different for me. I'm being effectively treated. She's given up, but is doing extraordinarily well despite the lack of treatment.

The brain that will not cease. That's the sum of it. Thoughts race, but organizing them is the hard part. People like us need anchors to moor to. I hope it can be each other. Here's to that wishful drink.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

What you need to know about getting into college

To my students before they're mine:

I know a lot about college. I'm still here, teaching newbies and finishing my dissertation. I was an undergraduate at a small liberal arts school (Claremont McKenna College), I finished a Masters at a BIG STATE U (University of Kansas), and I'm currently in residence at the holy of holies, a BRAND NAME UNIVERSITY (Georgetown University). Each type of school has its benefits and drawbacks. Picking the right one, FOR YOU, means knowing what you want, and who you are.

And to be able to sustain a studied skepticism about what everyone else, most often your parents, are telling you you should be feeling, thinking, doing about picking a college.

That said, the problem is that knowing who you are and what you want when you're 16, 17, or 18 is not easy. That's why your parents are so keen on butting in with advice. It's because they think they know who you are and what you want better than you do. After all, they diapered your dirty butt, taught you to walk and chew gum at the same time, and if you were lucky, got you a Red Rider bb-gun for your barmitzvah or birthday or something. So you'd be wise to listen. Except that they're susceptible to much the same (and often more of) dribble excreted about college that you are.

So let me end this post with my first piece of advice, which comes after having proctored the SAT and having taught some 500 of the best and brightest a the aforementioned BRAND NAME UNIVERSITY:

1)Don't sacrifice a real education for the sake of a standardized test. The SAT I is used to predict your likely performance in the first year of college. It's not an intelligence quotient test (although it did evolve as a kind of IQ test for marking officers during WWI). It is not the end-all-be-all of your academic or personal life. It's success as a predictor of college performance is limited(see http://www.yaledailynews.com/article.asp?AID=17193, for just one example). It's used because its a fast way for admissions officers to cull through the enormous amount of applications they receive. Most kids who get rejected by a school have SAT I scores that are statistically similar to those who got accepted to the same school.

2) Good grades in hard courses (IB or AP) are more important.

3) Great letters of recommendation (from the teachers of the hard courses) with specifics about your strengths and weaknesses (and how you dealt with those weaknesses in the classroom, playing field, performance space, etc.) are maybe the most important factor in determining if the admissions officer is going to use your SAT I score as the excuse he/she needs to reject you or move you along in the process. Details count in letters. "Susie is just great." Won't move anyone. You want a teacher or coach who can give an example of why Susie is great and why part of her greatness is her grace under pressure or after failure. Yes, learning how to fail is a key to success. If you didn't learn how to fail in high school, you will in any decent college. One of the differences between high school and college is that you don't get As for effort in college. At least you shouldn't. But that's for a later post.